In Hertfordshire, there is a town called St Albans…
In St Albans, there is a place called Heritage Close...
In Heritage Close, there is a shop called Chaos City Comics..
In Chaos City Comics, there is a secret door..
And behind the secret door, lives Timberlake.

He lives in Chaos City...the best comic shop in the universe...it’s...Timberlake!!!

Timber!

Several weeks have passed and the gang had settled in. TimberFake can now speak with an excellent vocabulary thanks to Chad Michael Hurry who you recall is inordinately psychically strong. He has downloaded speech capabilities into my clone’s head so that we can now talk. TimberFake’s first word was: “Barcelona”.
The four other psychics moved out of the lair and we rented them a farmhouse in a field. There they sit with all their hair grown back, reading like the Bronte’s. Chad is staying. Des and the rest of us buried the other players and we are converted the table football into a luxury pad for Des.
All was cool until one day there was some post in the shop doorway. I crept upstairs. There was a white package with a neatly printed title: Mr Timberlake. I opened it and there was a most curious letter:

Dear Sir,
I was wondering if I may be so curious as to meet up with you. I need to speak to you on a matter of the upmost importance. It regards your good friend Hugh Bradman.

Your friend,

Artisan Skinner

Comics What I Have Been Reading

Hulk
This red reinvention is simplistic but all the better for it. A linear narrative is unrestricted by complex plotting and dialogue and does what Hulk does best – fight. If you like your Hulk action basic then read this – it’s thrilling!
Rating :9/10

Astounding Wolf-Man
This series finally hits its stride with a gory and violent issue. With major characters killed and splitting from old loyalties, this defining episode sets the tone for later stories (adult). Kirkman eschews his usual laughs and this exciting read gets stronger.
Rating: 9/10

1985
This Mark Millar title is another strong entry in the writer’s canon. Set in a parallel recreation of our world, where the Marvel characters cross over, this story combines a love of comics with the storyline of one.
Rating: 10/10

Cor! Things have been quiet here after the Liason business. I am settling Chad Michael Hurry in and the rest of the Thought Carriers, so here’s the latest titles I have used to welcome them to comics...

Timber!

Secret Invasion
Read! It’s really exciting. The Marvel Universe is going through some shock revelations as we find out that the characters we thought we knew who they were aren’t....I think! This is a really important storyline and if you care about the Marvel Universe, then get it – we have all three issues so far so pop in and get them!

The Last Winter
This is a one-off complete narrative set in the Arctic. Familiar horror movie themes of abandonment and madness set in as an ecological expedition gradually learns that there is something out there – something not human. You can see that Larry Essenden’s script works as a movie (indeed it is) but it is perhaps more original in comic book format, giving a sense of uncertainty. The ending is opaque but the rest of the text is slick and as a non-ongoing series works well.

Angel
Oh no – I hear you cry – another retelling of origins? Despair no more people – this is a smart, readable and slick retelling of Angel. Warren is at a prestigious high school but his story is framed with a sinister story about a priest....The art is bizarre but elegant and the comic is a must for mutant lovers (come now, we can’t let the haters triumph). Really worth a look

Moon Knight
For those of you interested in adult superhero narratives, you could do a lot worse than Moon Knight. A violent and stylish thriller, incredibly dark and captivating, this rejects mainstream. I am always recommending it – so try it out!


Adaptations Spotlight:
This summer sees a ridiculous amount of comic to screen transfers. If you enjoyed the film, why not read...


Hulk
A range of titles provide something for everyone...from red Hulk through to good old fashioned green If you fancy a smart team-up between two of the summer’s biggest icons then go for Ultimate Human, an Iron-Man, Hulk spin-off. Now is the time to get in on the act for Hulk lovers.

Iron Man
A range of new stories to tie in with the film and some good old classics such as Demon in a Bottle, the storyline which details Stark’s battle with drink. If you enjoyed the film, try Invincible Iron Man or Viva Las Vegas. These both require little pre-reading and are enjoyable!

Hellboy
As we await the sequel, now is a great time to enjoy the originals. These beautiful texts detail the complete story and won’t include the new film so you won’t spoil the storyline! If you fancy the team as opposed to Red, then try out the self-contained stories of BPRD, the team Hellboy works for. Awesome fun!

Batman
With the movie just around the corner, check out the complete range of Batman books, from kids titles, through all ages to the heavier titles in store. Loads of Batman titles to choose from!

Saturday, 3rd May

Scrappins leapt forward and barked at Marmaduke, at which point he stumbled backwards, his hat flying across the room. We leapt on him and I held a piece of glass to his throat.
Chad Michael Hurry and the four other psychics led the way. As we made our way down the corridor, TimberFake and Scrappins behind, the Thought Carriers froze everyone we came into contact with, until we made our way down to the helicopter in the car park. We climbed in and Chad ordered the pilot to fly us to St Albans, after I had given him the directions. The silence pervaded the cockpit as we waited anxiously to draw closer. Marmaduke seethed. Des looked worriedly over the side of the helicopter. As we descended on Heritage Close, hovering, Marmaduke smiled. We could see a large crane and wrecking ball about to knock down the square.

I lowered a rope down out of the helicopter and leapt into Heritage Close, climbing up into the control room of the crane. The driver turned towards me, but I threw him out of the door and turned the crane off. The shop was saved, luckily they had not started to dismantle the building. As the helicopter landed, the Thought Carriers, Des Midriff, TimberFake and Scrappins clambered out and we all ran inside. Marmaduke laughed as he danced out of our reach and back into the cockpit. The pilot was now out of the control of Chad and started the helicopter. The employees of the Mephisto Consortium stood around, confused.

“ Go home!” I shouted. “The Mephisto Consortium is no more.”

“ Oh really, Timberlake?” laughed Marmaduke from the aircraft. “ I’ll be coming to get you...”He looked round in horror as the helicopter began to lurch. Chad stood next to me and concentrated on the vehicle. The pilot was once more under his control. We watched fascinated as the helicopter sped into the distance and smashed down into a nearby field, exploding in a fierce ball of light. Marmaduke Liason was no more...

Des took the remaining Thought Carriers inside as I wondered where to park the crane. Probably best if no-one saw what had happened here. I looked at the fiery wreckage of the crash and then noticed, at my feet, a black top hat – Marmaduke’s. I smiled and popped it on my head – it suited me. I went inside for a cup of tea.

Comics What I Have Been Reading

Secret Invasion
Despite being jaded by recent crossoverdose (good!), this series begins strongly. The pace is cracking, with Skrulls unveiling quickly. This cinematic treatment of the invasion has some real twists, which seem obvious after they’ve happened but not before. Bendis thankfully avoids slow build up or mysterious narrative. The multi-layered action unfolds rapidly and thrillingly over the course of 24 pages which feel like five. We’ve got some variants of this title in – well worth buying!
Rating: 9/10

Hulk
This new take on the Red monster brings a new element to the traditional smash narrative. This is more of a whodunit or rather who hulked it. The Red beast is still fighting his way across Arizona but we don’t get informed of who he is and the story therefore has a new dimension. Add to this Rick Jones as A-Bomb (disco name) and we have an engaging and fun story which combines the traditional fights with a thriller plot. I reckon its General Ross!
Rating: 6/10

Wolverine: First Class
My adored mutant is back in this simple but nice story about the first days of Xavier and his school. Told through the eyes of Kitty Pride this comic pulls off the achievement of being genuinely fresh in retelling a story we all know. Kitty Pride comes across as a likeable and plucky feminist icon, while Wolverine remains the absent and mysterious centre of the narrative. Grumpy and angry, yet paternal.
Rating: 8/10

Locke and Key
The Locke family (see what they did?!) move into an old house where there is a doorway to the spirit world. Through this simple idea, the author weaves a complex tale of murder and ghosts, punctuated by violence. A family tries to overcome a terrible tragedy. The first episode is complicated to the point of frustration and I aren’t an idiot, but the second and third offer redemption by smoothing out the story and establishing the plot lines which have been set up. A genuinely eerie yet mainstream comic.
Rating: 7/10

Scott Pilgrim Volume 1
Soon to be a Michael Cera film, Scott Pilgrim is the engaging tale of a young slacker who lives with his roommate and dates girls. Sounds flat? Well this isn’t – a genuinely funny and thrilling tale of love and fighting of course, with great characterisation and a smart parody of the Seattle scene (even though its Canadian). This is achingly hip and combines the angst of a post teenage romance with the all out kick assness of kung fu. The story revolves around a young man who meets the girls of his dreams. Unfortunately he has to contend with some troubles before he can find true love and I’m not going to reveal anymore. We have the first volume of this in stock – check it out!
Rating: 10/10

Timber!

Sunday, 16th March

Timber!

Comics What I Have Been Reading

X-Force

Kyle and Yost, two of Marvel’s greatest writers, entertain again. This covert black operations team led by a reluctant Wolverine takes on the fallout from Messiah Complex with aggression. The violence is excessive in the later issues and the inclusion of X23 sets the -tone. Kyle and Yost write excitingly and no-one can write for X23 like them. The artwork is good – no-one depicts Angel quite like this comic! A darker version of X-Men no doubt, with the return of old villains! Rating: 8/10

Cable

Over in the future, Cable is struggling to protect the future of mutantcy. He has landed in New Jersey and is determined to protect his charge at all costs. I think that baby is Jean Grey but I’m not sure. The photo artwork is great in this issue – clean painted lines. Cable keeps getting shot in the arm – its funny, kind of. I think this is worth reading as it starts a separate narrative and you do not have to know much about X-Men to read it. A fresh beginning here. Rating: 6/10

Omega The Unknown

Lethem’s complex and intricate storyline gets more complicated by the issue. A really nice narrative touch at the end of the current issue reminds us that he is an author who knows what he is doing and can interest us. At times, this has been reminiscent of more literate comics, eschewing the tropes of the medium for rounded characterisation and layered plot devices. It does not fit in with the Marvel universe and is more likely to be read separately. Rating: 8/10

Moon Knight

The horrendously violent but soapy storyline continues with a gang of criminals beheading other criminals. Knight is as warped as any villain out there. The emotions we feel for Moon Knight are ambiguous – sympathy, disgust etc., but the psychology of a fallen man is always convincing. The blood and gore is not scrimped upon here and if you like an adult superhero narrative, then read! Rating: 7/10

Uncanny X-Men

This story picks up some weeks after the X Men have disbanded. Scott and Emma are holidaying in the Savage Land and this quiet episode gives us the opportunity to really get beyond the surface. Emma reveals a genuine softer side and Scott shows that he is a strong, loving and intelligent leader. Cyclops has always suffered in comparison to the more dramatic X Men but here he comes to the fore as a dynamic, gentle but rugged man who never relaxes. When he faces up with an old ally in a well written vignette, we see him as having integrity. This story rejects the demand for big action and instead gives us one of the best character explorations in recent issues. Rating: 7/10

Wednesday, 27th February

NB: This was sent to me a couple of weeks ago, so apologies to Timberlake for the delay in posting it. (Still no excuse on his behalf for a 'Best of 2007' appearing mid-February...).

Marmaduke Liason leant towards me threateningly and reached out a bony hand. He stroked my face. “Such a shame you must perish.” He swivelled. As he strode away, he shouted over his shoulder – “Kill him.”
At that moment my faithful furry friend leapt at the door and growled at it. I backed up against the door and to my surprise, it opened this time. We charged through into corridor after corridor, the troops shooting and fortunately missing. We rounded a bend and were faced with a door. We charged through and closed it behind us, locking it firmly. I stepped away and turned. We were in some kind of laboratory full of large cylindrical tubes filled with water and bodies. Young men and women were suspended in the tubes with wires attached to their heads. As I approached the glass, I jumped at the movement of one of the people. “Help me” said the young man, but I was horrified – his lips were still. I had somehow heard the voice inside my head.
“ How did you do that?” I asked.
“ We are Thought Carriers. Psychic individuals.” This was a girl’s voice, perhaps the woman in the next tube who was now awake.
“ The Mephisto Consortium did this to you?” I asked angrily.
“ No – we were born like this, the Mephisto Consortium merely kidnapped us. In order to study us.” TimberFake gestured furiously at the glass and then picked up a chair. With one smash, he broke open the tube and water flooded across the floor. We leapt to the body of the man lying weakly on the floor. I helped him stand while TimberFake leapt around the room, liberating the other Thought Carriers. The blonde man looked up at me. “Thankyou” he thought into my head.
Within another few minutes, we had dressed the captives in spare Mephisto Consortium t –shirts and combat trousers lying around the lab. They stood timidly before me. There were three girls and two men. The thuds from behind the door told me that the troops were still trying to get in. “You have to follow me,” I cried. “We’ll get you out of here!” As the figures smiled kindly, the door behind finally gave in loudly. Troops flooded into the room and raised their weapons. The blonde Thought Carrier walked bravely forward. He raised his right hand and held it out to the troops. “I am free from the water which weakened my powers. Now you should leave.” The troops looked unsure. In a flash, they froze and could not move a muscle. The blonde man turned and smiled. We made our way slowly down to the corridor, looking all around us. TimberFake helped the other Carriers. I walked beside the blonde one, his spiky hair drying.
“ So what do the Mephisto Consortium want with us?” I enquired. “We’re not psychic.”
“ I don’t know. Perhaps they suspect you are.”
I didn’t think so. “What is your name?”
He smiled. “I do not know. Perhaps you could help me.”
I looked at him. He looked exactly like that guy from that horror film...Chad Michael Murray. “I think I’ll call you...Chad Michael...”
“ Hurry!” Des yelled from my pocket. We looked up to see Marmaduke striding towards us furiously. He had his cane proffered in front of him, leering toward us.
“ Chad Michael Hurry, I like it!” laughed the blonde man as we turned and began to run.
“ Can’t you make Marmaduke stop?! Use your thought power!”
“ I am trying – but it doesn’t seem possible. He is somehow immune!” We backed into the lab once more but there was no escape. Marmaduke crept into the room, the fluorescents flickering.
“ Hello again my enemies,” he smiled.
“ Let us go!” I yelled. “We’re not psychic!”
Marmaduke laughed. “Oh I know youngster. Of course you’re not. You’re not here because I want you...You’re here because it means you can’t be in your shop. Even as I speak, the Consortium are going through every last inch of your home, with you safely out of the way.”
“ Why?!”
“ Aha – the valid question. You see, I have devoted my work here to finding and tracking down psychic sources of energy. Sometimes it may take human form, like these rats here. Or sometimes, energy manifests itself in places. Our research has located a massive source of psychic power .... deep underground... your lair sits on the top of it. While you are here, my troops are currently in the process of mining your home for all that psychic force. By the time we’re finished, there won’t be a brick left.”

Comics (finally! - Ed)

Messiah Complex (X-Men titles cross-over)
Messiah Complex is now finished and has left more unanswered questions. This was a cut above the usual event. The X-Men were integrated well into the mammoth story and the slick plot was effective. The spin-offs seem promising however. Uncanny X-Men looks good and the new dark X-Force comes out next week. Cable will also have his own spin-off. Read them
Rating: 10/10

Speak of the Devil
Gilbert Hernandez turns up trumps with this dark and witty play on the B-movies of the 50s - the precursors to Grindhouse. Seeped in the aesthetic of the 60s this sly feminist tale of a female peeping tom has been original. I really like the plot and the characters, which are always unpredictable.
Rating: 9/10

Umbrella Academy
This has really lived up to its hype. Burtonesque art mixes with goth storyline to create this smartly written and excellently characterised fresh spin on superhero teams. As the Apocalypse Suite speeds towards its finale, jump on board! Plus, Chaos City has a range of t-shirts etc! Even I got one!
Rating 10/10

The Ultimates
Its back and adult as ever with the first scene playing on post-modern tropes as Tony Stark watches a video of his own sexual performance. The new writing team have ignored the speculation surrounding Millar and Hitch’s leaving. They have boldly gone their own way with the story and tried to do their own thing – well done!
Rating; 7/10

Timberlake’s Review of the Year

Best Comic Title:
The Umbrella Academy
Also Recommended: Simon Dark, Speak of the Devil, Astonishing X-Men

Best Collected:
Mouse Guard
Also Recommended: Age of Apocalypse, Onslaught


Best Book:
Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows – Harry faces his nemesis and Dumbledore is gay.

Best Film:
Spider-man 3 – James Franco
Also Recommended: FF II, 300

Best TV Series:
Doctor Who – genius
Also Recommended: Lost, Jam and Jerusalem

Timberlake

Sunday 4th November

Timber!

You may remember that I was on my way to the headquarters of the Mephisto Consortium. We went into the large doors and pushed TimberFake. I had to keep patting him on the shoulder to reassure him but he was fine. Inside, a warehouse like room contained a wall with several doors. As we approached, one of the troops filed forward and pushed open the door. We went down corridors and into a large white room where a gangway overhead was shrouded in darkness. The troops laid down the stretcher and looked upwards.
A thin high-pitched voice floated down from the gangway. “Very good. Now step back.” We all did so. “Now go and unstrap him from his stretcher.” A guard stepped forward and undid TimberFake who stood up looking scared.
“Turn round” ordered the screechy voice. TimberFake did as he was told. “Where is the player?”
I stepped forward and proffered Des. “He no longer serves any purpose,” said the cold voice, “kill him.” I paused, my heart fluttering. The other guards looked round and stared. “Kill it!” repeated the voice. I stepped back and as the troops closed in on me, Scrappins leapt from the kit bag. He growled and sunk his teeth into the leg of the nearest soldier, who raised his rifle.
“No!” screamed the reedy voice. “Hold them!” Guards surrounded me and pulled off my helmet, recoiling in confusion at my twin who they had now rounded up next to me. There was the sound of metal footsteps as the voice descended from the darkness down iron steps. The crowd parted as the figure made its way towards Scrappins, TimberFake and me. The figure was tall and thin with legs like bony twigs, long and elegant. He was a man, about six foot tall, wearing a black top hat, a frock coat, a black cravat and waistcoat and white shirt. His black trousers rustled quietly. He wore pointed boots, the whole effect was of a slim and spiky preying mantis. He strode slowly towards me and smiled evilly. His large black pupils stared. He was carrying a silver topped cane and he placed it under my chin and raised my head to inspect me.
“ Aha! Two for the price of one. But which is which. What a catastrophe – ridiculous!” He flourished his bony arm to his left and smiled coldly. The troops laughed nervously. “Look – its some kind of clone no doubt. Allow me to introduce myself to both of you...” Scrappins barked. “...the three of you.” He stepped back, took a low bow until his hat nearly scraped the floor and his arm went to the side elegantly. “I am Marmaduke Liason.”
“Let us out of here,” I growled. I could see that Marmaduke was ignoring me, mincing around the three of us theatrically. He inspected TimberFake and Scrappins closely. “Fascinating.” I kicked out at him and he stumbled back. Scrappins leapt forward and bit one of my captors, allowing me to free myself and help Timberfake. We ran for the door but it was locked. We turned to face the troops aiming their rifles at us. A rumpled Marmaduke Liason burst through the crowd. He smiled after regaining his composure. “We only need one of him. You can kill the other one.” He leaned towards us. “It is time to die, Timberlake.”

Comics What I Have Been Reading

The Umbrella Academy
It’s here – is it worth the hype – yes! This is cleverly written and quirky. The central premise is stronger than most superhero comics and the text has humour. The story follows a school started by a patriarch who actually dislikes most of his charges, all born at identical moments around the world. Some of them have powers, some of them don’t. Gerard Way offers a fresh spin on the Training Academy narrative and Gabriel Ba’s Mignola style artwork is appropriate – love the mannequin woman! My only criticism is that I felt they should have remained kids for much longer. The initial exciting Eiffel tower adventure (so Hellboy!) is so thrilling it leaves you almost on a come-down when the story progresses. This is, however, rectified in Issue 2 where Way’s characters seem to be able to endure a lengthy analysis.
Rating: 9/10

Speak of the Devil
Back in Dark Horse again for Hernandez’s fantastic comic detailing the sordid adventures of a female peeping tom. Riffing on the teen comics of the 50s, Hernandez offers us a fascinating female character – complex. She is screwed up by her father’s relationship with her stepmother and adopts the alter ego in order to watch her. The narrative goes into some dark and disturbing places adopting the Wysteria Lane approach. This is perhaps one of the best female centred comics written in a long time, clever and funny.
Rating: 10/10

Simon Dark
This Phantom of the Opera-style story is great. Dark lives in a concrete room, looking terrifying but friendly. Two strong female supporting characters are involved in parallel stories which we assume will intertwine with Dark’s, but the most significant character here is the title character. His intellectual and highly moral nature combines with his deadly abilities to make a sympathetic and caring character. Excellent.
Rating: 10/10

Timberlake

Tuesday, 18th September

(Wow! - two actual comicbook reviews this week! - Ed.)

Timber!

At last – I had it! The beginnings of an idea. Des and I went up to the machine to look for clues. In amongst the broken poles, we looked for signs of who the mysterious Mephisto Consortium might be and why they had done this. Underneath the table, Des found a small button on one of the legs with a small screen beside it. It was a communication device of some kind.
“ Hmmmm, I wonder if the troops on the table were supposed to communicate with the makers of this table at some point.” said Des.
“ Yes, I’ll bet when the troops had caught me, they were going to inform head office.” I replied.
“ Wait, I’ve got an idea!” said Des. “As far as the company know, I should have been possessed by the commanding electricity and captured you…so why don’t we play along and we can find out who controls them. I can pretend you’ve been captured and then we can lure the captors to this shop.”
“ I’ve got an even smarter idea….Why don’t we use TimberFake to pretend to be me?!”
Ten minutes later, an excited TimberFake lay prone on the floor while we assembled the other figures back on the table. I hid behind the counter while Des marched boldly over to the screen and touched the red switch.
A computer voice blared out.
“ Report: Who is this?”
“ Des Midriff – Redchester Rovers. Mission completed – target is neutralised.”
A pause. “Mission confirmed. Await arrival of Mephisto Consortium.”
The screen went blank and Des scrambled over to me.
“ Yes excellent! Now all we have to do is wait.”
TimberFake winked from the floor and we all settled down.
At the stroke of 1 am, there was a loud noise and a bright spotlight filled the courtyard outside the building. Silhouettes of men in black clothing dropped from ropes into the courtyard and from the way the leaves blew around, I could tell that there was some kind of silent helicopter hovering above.
With a smash, they broke through the door. From behind the racks of comics I could see a man inspect TimberFake and exchange words with Des who acted brilliantly. Des pointed into the back room as planned and one of the soldiers headed there. As he came round the corner, I pushed him down the stairs and knocked him out. I quickly donned his uniform of black clothes and placed his helmet over my face. I tied the soldier up and gagged him and then made my way back into the shop, bringing a large kit bag, inside which Scrappins hid.
One of the four other soldiers looked at me. “Anything?”
“ No.” I replied in my soldierly tone.
“ Let’s go then.” He led the way out with TimberFake on a stretcher behind me, carried by two soldiers. I picked up Des and placed him in my pouch on my shirt. We climbed in to the helicopter and set off over the dark countryside. There was no talking in the helicopter as we guarded TimberFake and Des.
After about two hours, the helicopter began to descend in the car park of a white and glass building. It was awe inspiring. It was a high-tech behemoth of white metal and the searchlights beamed everywhere. The turrets of this modern castle stood high.
As we carried our precious cargo towards the vast metal doors, I noticed a large sign above them. “Welcome to The Mephisto Consortium.”

BATMAN: The Long Halloween
This epic saga is nothing short of fantastic. This is easily the best Batman story I have ever read. Loeb and Sale have a rare combination of talents – they understand the desire for serious emotional dimensions to the stories and yet they are populist. They also have an uncanny knack of identifying the coolest villains and characters. In this story alone, we encounter Catwoman, Poison Ivy, The Joker, Mad Hatter, Two Face, The Scarecrow and the Penguin. Awesome. The balance between camp and drama is perfect and the story of Harvey Dent’s decline in to Two Face is handled with skill. The artwork never shows Harvey as anything but split, his face constantly covered. As with Lee’s take on the Hulk, the suggestion is that he was already messed up before the acid attack, which completed the transformation terrifyingly.
The story presents Gotham’s players in a way which is surprisingly fresh and inventive. The long narrative, beautifully set out over the holidays of Gotham works delicately and carefully to bring in each hero and villain while never losing sight of a great thriller.
Rating: 10/10
Buy it!

World War Hulk: Gamma Corps
The idea that there is a troop of people personally dedicated to fighting the Hulk is clever, although this is not fully exploited until the second issue. The initial narrative sets up the team, themselves rather hypocritically irradiated, as an angry mob of killers. The significant member is surely Brian Talbot, ready to honour Glenn and refusing to extricate his personality from the Talbot vendetta.
After a slightly embarrassing start, in which a huge action scene of the Hulk being destroyed is prefaced with the mediocre speech bubble “That’s it Gideon! Keep it up!” like a parent at an underwhelming sports day, the second issue cleverly takes us back to the reason why they enlisted. The idea that the Hulk’s rampages have left real pain and terror in their wake is excellent. We see that the soldiers have lost people and loved ones as a result of the Hulk and have nothing but revenge. A particularly moving scene shows the different form of heroism from the Hulk as a mother tries to save her pinioned son. Of course, the political element is present, where the military is quick to take advantage of these characters’ grief. All in all, a satisfying comic.
Rating: 8/10
That’s it writers! Keep it up!

Timberlake

Tuesday, 14th August

Timber!

Hi everybody! Wow what a time I’ve had. I have been out and about having adventures. You may remember that Des had come to life and surprised me. I went up the next morning and played with Des some more. He was an interesting chap and I took him for a tour of the place.
“ I can see that you have been outdoors, your body is weathered,” I told him.
“ Oh no, this was done by a man in a white coat. He chipped my paint off.” he replied.
Hang on, I thought, if he wasn’t naturally weathered then he can’t have been outside. “Tell me about this time you spent outside!” I asked.
“ Well, it was quite interesting, the weather never changed though, it was always the same and white around me.”
That was no park, I thought, it was a laboratory! I ran up to check the table, but to my horror, the table was empty. Before I could do anything, I felt a tap at my ankles: the little men surrounded me. The rest of the players had come to life and were now making a blue and red sea. They marched towards me like robots. Before I could stop them, they were grabbing my ankles and discharging electricity. I fell over and the men closed in. Suddenly, Des leapt into the fray, kicking his colleagues and rivals aside. He managed to clear room and I leapt up and we plunged backwards into the basement. As the tide of tiny warriors descended the steps like automatons I reached into the kitchen of my lair and pulled out a bucket of water. I soaked the players who approached me and they fizzled and then collapsed. Des stood amongst the carnage like a nurse in war-torn Atlanta.
“ Something must have made these guys turn on you!” he shouted. “I can’t believe it”
“ Yes Des, but why not you as well?” We ran up to the table where our answer was clear – the poles that the players had stepped off were humming with a blue electricity – clearly the machine had started pulsing a command through its poles to tell the men to destroy me. Des hadn’t been on there at the time fortunately. We went back to inspect the fallen troops, their little torsos frozen.
“ They’re good men. They’re not evil.”
I placed a hand on his little head, “I know Des.”
As we picked up the men, I noticed a little stamp on the feet of the nearest player. It was on others too, I pickled up Des and there were the same words when I looked at his feet: Mephisto Consortium.

Comics What I Have Been Reading

Green Arrow: Year One
I don’t know whats wrong with me: I’ve gone all experimental – I have read nothing but DC recently! Well you’ve got to try it once. The Green Arrow origin story is impressively illustrated but the story is not as good. It is interesting but not overly original, borrowing heavily from The Beach. The Green Arrow is stranded and has to fend for himself on an island. Origin stories always hold a perverse thrill even though we know what is going to happen. There is some interest in seeing him turn from a selfish man into a hero.
Rating 6/10

The Astonishing Wolf-Man

Robert Kirkman seems to be on autopilot for the first two issues. I say SEEMS. The set-up is pure Hammer Horror meets superhero team, recycling the clichéd conventions of both. A man gets attacked by a werewolf and then he quickly learns to use the power for good, transforming into a hairy demon and fighting crime. Kirkman races through the story so that you almost don’t care – he shows the bored business man learning to embrace the lycanthrope within and having a great time. The comic borrows from a number of icons: the philanthropist (Batman), the wolf (werewolf by night), the mentor (Blade). Just when you start to think that Kirkman is playing to formula (unlike this great writer) he delivers a blow. The werewolf’s strength and true nature runs away from the man and he savagely slaughters a friend…now its getting interesting!
Rating: 9/10
Van Helsing


The Big Picture: Fantastic Four II

They’re back. Marvel’s crimefighting team who reject the seriousness of X-Men, Hulk and Daredevil and instead have fun, are here to face a threat more deadly than ever before: the Silver Surfer. The characters are quickly established this time and the fun begins when the Silver Surfer heralds the arrival of Galactus as a big cloud. The Surfer is graceful. We do not doubt his power but significantly he is not evil and therefore he is not made out to be at any stage. Tim Story reunites his excellent cast (Jessica Alba on top form and The Thing is wicked). But it is Chris Evans who lights up the screen with his patented charm and danger, lethal heart-breaker and lethal warrior.
The film is a safe sequel: if you liked the first one, you’ll love this one. The special effects are good and the icons of the comic are there (the Baxter Building, Doctor Doom). The plot is straightforward and interesting and takes the ideas from the first film on further. Plus Julian MacMahon’s face gets nicer!
Rating: 9/10
See it!

ETA: Essential Timberlake Accessories

This week: BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS

Frank Miller’s legendary opus is a complex and psychologically real tale. The story is set in a futuristic Gotham where crime runs rampant and the television has become the chorus, events are told through myriad screens. Miller recasts Bruce Wayne as an old man, trying to combat age as well as Harvey Two-Face, The Joker and Superman. The idea is interesting: Batman has to prove to himself and others that there is still a role for a vigilante in an increasingly destructive society. When his motives are attacked, Batman has to resort to lawlessness to destroy the Mutant gangs taking Gotham. Rehabilitation is also a key theme – Harvey Dent and Jack Napier are both released by naïve psychologists. The story pits Batman against the whole of Gotham, with only the impotent Gordon and a female Robin for help. The latter is an interesting addition. She seems to inherit the mantle of male hero and Miller refreshingly offers us a feminist storyline, not making her gender an issue but not rejecting the fact either.
Miller excels at darkening Batman – he shows us the Joker as truly insane and Harvey as hero’s reflection. The story is complicated and thematically encompasses the media, vigilantism, insanity and heroism. Ultimately the narrative takes us to some dark places: Perhaps the most terrible thing in this dystopia is Bruce Wayne.

Rating 7/10
Dark

Timberlake

Friday, 22nd June

In Hertfordshire, there is a town called St Albans…
In St Albans, there is a place called Heritage Close...
In Heritage Close, there is a shop called Chaos City Comics..
In Chaos City Comics, there is a secret door..
And behind the secret door, lives Timberlake.

Timber!

Life had returned to normal. I was living with my dog Scrappins and my genetically created clone TimberFake. We have been reading lots of comics and watching comic book movies.
One morning I took Timberfake up into the empty shop where we perused comics. TimberFake challenged me to a game of fussball so we played. He was very good. TimberFake was playing the blues and I was red. As I saved a particularly hard ball from him, I heard a cry of pain. I looked round. It wasn’t TimberFake and it wasn’t me (he hasn’t been taught to speak yet so it couldn’t have been him). We played on, until the next time when TimberFake scored. As the ball disappeared down the slot, I heard a cry of disappointment. Again I looked. The noise had come from the table. I leant closer to inspect the red player, the goalie. As I looked down at the little man, he winked at me.
I leapt back in shock.
“ Hello,” said the tin figure, smiling.
“ Hello” I replied. “I’m Timberlake.”
The little man grinned embarrassedly, “I don’t suppose you could let me off this pole could you? I hate to moan but I just need to stretch my arms.”
“ Of course,” I replied and quickly screwed the metal handle off, pulling the pole from where it had impaled the player. He breathed a sigh of relief and extended his tiny arm. I shook it.
“ Des Midriff. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance. I’m the goalie for Redchester Rovers.”
“ Okay…” I introduced my clone and Scrappins who barked happily.
“ Does it hurt being in there?” I asked.
“ No. But it does get a little tiring after five years or so. Its nice to get out.” Des looked round and climbed on to the trade-paperbacks. I extended my hand and he sat on it.
“ How long have you been alive?” I asked uncertainly.
“ A good twenty five years,” he reported. “I’ve been in the professionals for five years. The money’s rubbish but I enjoy it – I would like to play some other teams though, it gets a bit predictable playing Bluecastle United all the time.”
I liked him. “Well, Des, would you like a tour of Chaos?”
“ Yes please,” he smiled.
As we took a stroll down the comics, he told me that the pitch (as he called it) had been, up until a few weeks ago, outdoors in a sunny bright park, where it was always Summer. He had liked it there, but then one day, he had been transported in the night to this place. When he awoke, he was outside this shop until the next morning when he had been carried inside on the table. He loved it here though.
“ Who owned the pitch before then?” I enquired.
“ I don’t know, there were lots of strange giants who would come and poke and prod us all day when we were outside in the park. But it was a strange park, it wasn’t cold or anything. The evening we got transported I was asleep, I woke up to see a hooded figure putting the pitch down outside a glass window and then he ran away.”
“ Hmmm...” I thought. “Did you see how tall this figure was?”
“ From the pitch he looked like a bit taller than you but he was completely shrouded in a black cloak.”
“ I see.” I could see that Des Midriff was an innocent guy, but I wasn’t convinced that the table was innocuous. Who had delivered this table to us while I was away in Finlay’s castle? It seemed a funny coincidence. Why was it in the shop now? I got Scrappins to sniff around it for bombs but he couldn’t find any. Des came downstairs to watch a movie with us and then I put him back on his pole, where he went to sleep.
“ Goodnight!” he nodded.
“ Goodnight!” I called.


TIMBERLECTURES

This week: X-Men: Movie Blueprint

Having watched X-Men again recently, I feel it important to discuss this film with you here today. It is vital that we do not underestimate the significance of this film in comic book movie lore. Two years before Spider-Man set the box-office alight in 2002, X-Men was released to huge acclaim and massive success in both the US and the UK. Let us remember that the context was different from today, then. The comic book film was a practically defunct genre, since the ailing success of the Bat franchise and Spawn, the environment was apathetic to another comic book adaptation. The creation of this film broke all the rules of the action movie. Firstly, Fox decided to use a director unproven in the field, Bryan Singer, known only for his art-house, character and plot driven films. Secondly, the choice of comic was somewhat left-field: X-Men, while often claimed to be the most popular comic in the history of comic books, was certainly not a household name outside of America. The characters and plots were not global touchstones in the way that Hulk and Superman were. Thirdly, the project required a large ensemble of heroes, not only one central, easily marketable character.
Therefore the film was different from previous franchises, which turned out to be precisely the factor which worked in its favour.
The casting of the film was radical for a Summer blockbuster. Singer used some established names, Patrick Stewart, Anna Paquin for starters, but on the whole he cast for acting ability and talent as opposed to celebrity. Actors such as Ray Park, Rebecca Romijin and James Marsden won roles based on the fact that they were spot on for the part. Here he also made two key casting decisions which turned out to be perfect: Ian McKellen, then emerging as a screen star but certainly not an action performer, as the leader of the baddies, Magneto, and the unknown Australian Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. The former worked superbly, instead of going for a buff action hero as the villain, McKellen brought pathos and sinister hints of a dictator to the part. His Magneto is chilling. Singer should also be given a knighthood for bringing Jackman to the big screen, in one of those rare breakout roles which literally created a superstar who went on to become one of the most bankable actors of his generation.
Plot wise, the film makes bold moves to defy the action movie archetype. Moral ambiguity is established, with the first scene showing Erik Lensherr’s childhood in a Nazi camp where the young Jewish man is separated from his parents, branding him both literally and mentally. With this inclusion of material, Singer gives Magneto motivation and crucially, makes our judgment of the man a difficult task. Opposed to him however, is Professor X, brilliantly read as Martin Luther King to Magneto’s Malcolm X. The ongoing struggle therefore witnesses two agendas which can be read as analogies for race, sexuality and feminism. The age old argument rages for those who are victims of repression – integration or domination.
Singer’s determination to build character and teams as opposed to action set pieces elevates the film into a new plane for comic book movies: powers are presented as positive and negative (see Rogue) and make the recipients victims. As with all meaningful fantasy, the film can be easily applied to real life. The film transformed the genre, reinvigorating and ensuring that the current comic movie craze would produce more quality than rubbish.

Comics What I Have Been Reading

Spider-Man: Fairy Tales
This “sequel” to X-Men published last year, takes the fitting idea of Red Riding Hood and recasts it as Mary Jane. Hurrah! Are we to get a Cartesian rewriting of a patriarchal gender specific story in favour of women? Well, sort of. Instead of Angela Carter’s Bloody Chamber however, we get an admittedly admirable retelling which focuses on the young girl as she rails against marital entrapment. The ending however is twee, where she decides that she may change her name, but not her personality! And it is still the man who does most of the rescuing. The real star here is the Tim Burtonesque artwork, fusing Gorillaz with Emily the Strange.
Rating: 7/10

Sub-Mariner
He’s back and about time. I love him! The front cover recasts Namor as a camp spangly suited muscleman but the story is far from that – honest. Mired deep in the ensuing mess from Civil War, Tony Stark and Namor go head to head after another terrorist atrocity. Again, the political dominates. Continuing the governmental critique started in Millar’s spine narrative, the story deals with reactions to the event which rapidly spiral too far.
Rating: 8/10
He’s not Nick Lachey

X-Factor
I have been reading the recent run where Madox attempts to reconcile his multiple personality disorders. A nice metaphor for the multifaceted masquerade, Multiple Man has lost control of his power and we now see the other men which he could have been. A clever concept, and well borne out, it doesn’t flag and we see how the divided man deals with the different aspects of his personality.
I liked it - fabulous!


Timberlake

Sunday, 27th May

Timber!
After my confrontation with Finlay Squires, I managed to flee as Timberfake distracted the police with destruction of the town centre. I hoped that he would be caught and therefore stop the police from chasing me, but I could see that his superior strength and agility was proving indestructible. I fled to my lair with Scrappins where we pondered the situation and played table football. The next night, I donned a black outfit and headed into town. Sure enough, as I prowled the cobbles, I saw the outline of TimberFake coming towards me. He punched me but I managed to grab his hand and push it. As he went to punch again I blocked it. I couldn’t explain it, some kind of hive mind as if I knew his moves. Ultimately, his strength proved too much. I leapt up a fire escape and climbed to the roof of the building nearby. Finlay Squires was dressed in black smiling.
“ Ah Timberlake,” he leered, “ready to give in?”
“ Never!” I yelled and kicked him in the face. He reeled, stunned. Then he leapt at me like a panther, knocking me to the floor. I flipped over him and placed my foot on his throat. As Finlay choked, he grasped in his pocket and brought out a remote control. He pressed it and immediately I heard a thump as TimberFake leapt up onto the roof in a jump. He approached but I pushed my foot down onto Finlay.
“ Call your robot off!”
Finlay pressed another switch and TimberFake stopped.
“ He’s not a robot. He’s flesh and blood – I’ve implanted him with a chip.”
“ Give me the remote control or you will die!” I snarled.
Finlay growled and threw the remote control. I leapt for it and as I did, Squires flipped over the side of the building. He had disappeared by the time I crossed to the side. I picked up the remote control. “Hmm! Looks like I’m going to have to do a lot of reprogramming to switch you out of evil mode Timberfake.” The doppelganger stared. He was identical to me in every way.
I took TimberFake back to the shop and then to my cave behind the shelves. I sat with Scrappins as we tried to deprogram the remote control. Then it turned out that there was a switch on the back of his neck which you could flip from good to evil. I switched it to good and smiled. Scrappins barked happily.
“ Welcome to Chaos City Comics!”THE BIG PICTURE: SPIDER-MAN 3
Here it is – the big one! Raimi finishes off the Spider trilogy with a gathering of fan favourites, multi stranded plot lines and reportedly the highest budget ever (no doubt there will be sequels but I get the feeling that this creative team will not be participating). Spider-Man 3 takes up the story months on from the second film. Peter and Mary-Jane are on course to get married until one night when our hero is coming home from a musical and is waylaid by the rather dashing New Goblin. Of course, Harry has been dosing up on the buff juice and so we cleverly already have a villain.
Of course, its not long before Flint Marko is on the run and falls into a particle accelerator and becomes Sandman, villain number two. Incidentally, a meteorite crashes to earth and out oozes a black parasite….villain number three. The black stuff changes Peter into a sexual predator transforming him from geek to emo in a hilarious collections of set pieces.
Therefore the stage is set for a grand battle in true Shakespearian style, with long-held grudges, the thirst for power and misunderstood criminals.
So what of the new characters – lets line up the suspects. In terms of villains, we have the man every fan has been waiting for as the chief draw in this movie :Topher Grace! The guy is perfectly cast as Eddie Brock, Peter Parker’s arch rival, perfectly capturing the mix of sliminess and creepiness and personifying the concept of self justification.
He keeps the tome just the right side of comic book, reigning in the comic moments more and more as the increasingly depressive narrative takes hold. Bias aside, and you know how much I love him, Grace is excellent.
Keeping the brilliant cast afloat, we have Thomas Haden Church as Sandman and here Raimi keeps true to the interesting character arcs travelled by Willem Dafoe and Alfred Molina. Spidey movies have always portrayed the villains more as misguided and irresponsible rather than evil in a Pullmanesque style, and Sandman is the pinnacle of the morally ambiguous baddie story. By casting an actor with such emotional range, the movie manages to give Sandman a powerful and moving story. As he claims “I’m not a bad guy, I’m just unlucky.” And unlucky he certainly he is, escaping from jail and trying to finance his sick infant’s treatment, he is combined with sand and becomes a monstrous non-human cloud. The scene in which he pulls himself depressively out of the mire of sand and attempts to recombine his dna is at once beautiful and heartbreaking, his miserable sighs and defeated slump representing the act of a broken man facing a new day. It is Sandman who in fact stays with you long after the film has finished, the conclusion of his plot acting as an antidote to the hypermasculine aggression of the Venom storyline, showing that action and violence are not the only options.
Added to this mix is the stunning Gwen Stacey, ably played by Bryce Dallas Howard who adds this to her collection of “never puts a foot wrong” performances. Constructed as an emblem of third wave feminism, Stacey is equally at home in the Physics lecture hall or the photographer’s studio, combining good looks with intelligence, and, in a scene where Peter uses her to make his ex jealous, integrity. Again, Raimi avoids the easy temptation to make her a bitchy bully, respecting both the fans and the character in the process.
Of course, we all want to know what happens when the black stuff moves onto someone else and Venom is born. Venom is perhaps the most faithful visual adaptation of a comic book character ever. He looks spot on, his terrifying face frequently pulling back to reveal Eddie in power crazed psycho mode.
Of the existing characters, we have Tobey Maguire convincingly portraying Parker’s switch to darkness but crucially remaining sympathetic. Kirsten Dunst is always dependable, lovable and plucky as Mary but it is James Franco as Harry who takes us on an emotional rollercoaster over the course of nearly three hours. His chraming and scary turn is an interesting version of a warped psychology and perhaps the most exciting character in the film. He’s well worth the price of admission.
Overall then, the movie is highly enjoyable and actively engrossing. Raimi refuses to sell out character for action and delivers plot and visuals worth seeing. Don’t miss it!
Rating: 10/10
Bring your hankies!

ETA: Essential Timberlake Accessories
Hurrah! Its back!
MOUSE GUARD
David Petersen’s Mouse Guard is a joy, delightfully told with gorgeous characters. The gender hierarchy of the medieval human world does not extend to mouse world, with a great collection of female and male soldiers tasked with protecting the routes of mousedom. The beautifully presented trade hardback is not to be missed. The premise is simple: an old fashioned and feudally tinged world of nature is presented with mice as the main guides fighting a range of natural predators. The cute idea is a front for an actually quite dark narrative, the artwork subtly portraying the danger of the animal world. The design is suitably indie and the feel is somewhere between a comic book and a children’s story.
Rating: 10/10
I like them mice!

(Nice to get an actual comic review - Ed.)

Wednesday, 18th April

Timber!

Hello! Timberlake here. Such a week of monstrosities. It all started harmlessly. I have been back in City, playing on the fussball machine at night when the tall man has gone home. I love the fussball machine, the little red men are my favourite. Scrappins the dog has settled in and we were all getting on famously, although I began to worry about Topher Ledger, my kidnapped prodigy. One night I was prowling around Heritage Close, trying to figure out how to save him when suddenly I received a shock. There was a WANTED poster affixed to the nearest wall. It said: have you seen this man? It then listed a series of crimes which this criminal had supposedly committed including theft and vandalism. I looked on at the picture in horror. It was a crudely assembled photofit and yet I knew the face which stared out of it. It was my own visage!
I stumbled back in shock to my underground base and spent a night in light slumber, having dreams. When I awoke, I switched on the local tv news: STAN (St Albans News). To my horror, a report followed on the spate of violent attacks that had been taking place. Police had last night managed to get video footage of the perpertrator and they proceeded to show it. The cameras showed a lone figure stomping through the town centre, smashing shop windows and kicking police in the face. Although the mini army of policemen tried to stop him, the man proved unstoppable. He smashed through the assembled crowd and escaped, impervious to their force. I nearly fainted from the shock – the man who was causing such destruction was none other than me! I looked down at my trembling hands and wondered – perhaps I was carrying out these acts at night time! What could have happened to have made me into this alter ego? Surely, it couldn’t be me?
That night, I decided to hide in the town centre and see exactly what was going on. Scrappins crouched behind a pillar of the town hall alongside me. After a while, I could see nothing moving. Perhaps I was about to lose control and become this violent man? Then, I heard a rustle from the darkness ahead. Lit by a lamppost, I saw a figure come into the beam of light. I recognised the familiar build of myself. I didn’t know whether to be horrified or relieved that I hadn’t been causing the mischief! I slowly approached the cruelly smiling Timberlake. He sneered at me. It was indeed me in every sense. Except this Timberlake was cruel. I took a step away. As I faltered, I bumped into someone behind me. I wheeled round to be confronted with…Finlay Squires!
“ Squires! You!”
“ Timberlake, you’ve been a very naughty boy. First you escape from my castle and now you’ve been smashing up the area!” he laughed.
“ No! What have you done?” I cried. “You are trying to frame me!”
“ Yes, Timberlake.” He gestured with a coated arm towards the clone, for I knew it must be one now. “When you left my castle, I managed to slash you and you left some of your blood on the knife. It was only a matter of days until I had created a replica.”
“ What do you want Squires?” I yelled.
“ It’s quite simple Timberlake,” he said. “The dna testing on Ledger proved inconclusive. I still don’t know how to splice celebrities. But with this evil double of you, I’m going to cause havoc. And the best part is, you’ll be arrested for it. Leaving me to peruse your lair’s secret documents at leisure and discover the secrets of splicing! The plan is foolproof.”
I backed away in horror. The clone stood grinning coldly.
Finlay smiled. “Allow me to introduce your mirror image…Presenting TimberFake!”



Comics what I have been reading

Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man
Hang on a minute, Sandman’s turned up, and Spider-Man is wearing a black suit. Why? Anyone would think that the comics are tying in with an upcoming film! That aside, it is good to see Sandman back in David’s arc, Nauck’s artwork effectively demonstrating the range of powers. It’s also good to see Flash and Peter getting on, and come to think of it, Spider-Man and Sandman getting on.
Rating: 9/10
It’s Sandman!


X23: Target X
Kyle and his partner Yost continue the standard of this story. One minute you are disgusted the next you cry – it’s awesome. The cinematic narrative tells the flashback story of Laura and her destruction of the family. This is perhaps the best written female in the Marvel universe, feminist readings of the text would show how Kyle and Yost have managed to destroy stereotypical images of the woman as being limited to domestic. Laura smashes up the house, attacking the confining space of the location.
Rating: 10/10
The joint best title currently available.

New X-Men
Can Kyle and Yost follow up X23 with more! Yes – a thrilling adventure which develops complex mythology and focuses on a small group of kids. Both writers refuse to compromise violence and torture, making their protagonists suffer. The villains are evil and the heroes dynamic. Hellion and Laura make a good team and there is a fantastic coda.
Rating:8/10
Read it!


THE BIG PICTURE
This week: 300
Hot on the heels of Sin City comes Frank Miller’s 300, possibly the most homoerotic film of all time. Set in Ancient Greece and telling of the army of Sparta and their battle against Xerxes, the big screen adaptation of the text is bold and violent. Not being a fan of violent films for the sake of violence, I was pleased to see how director Zack Snyder has created almost beautiful carnage, slow motion sitting next to hyper-real slaughter. Following Sin City’s lead, Snyder decides to opt for a faithful frame recreation of the art, showing off the technical wizardry to the point where we wonder if there will ever be a Frank Miller adaptation which does not work identically.
In terms of performance, Gerard Butler dominates as the Spartan king who fights loyally. In opposition is Rodrigo Santoro as Xerxes, a twelve foot monster who is equally beautiful and tyrannical. Watch out for their face-off halfway!
Snyder adds material judiciously, and in one scene twists the retelling of the film. He includes an extended romp through Persia’s orgiastic harem, where transsexuals and goat headed satyrs make lustful companions. Here, he suggests something interesting, pitting Xerxes’s marginalised outcasts (the beautiful, deformed and sexually deviant) against the uniform Adonises of the 300. Brilliantly, the film here moves into a critique of the heroes, Butler’s army, who move from being the marginalised, outnumbered victims in to a symbolic position of patriarchal, heterosexual dominance, constantly shoring up their own identity by homophobic remarks. The feminine and sexually ambiguous Xerxes becomes a modern threat to the traditional masculine. Such a reading is confirmed by the emphasis of the film on Sparta’s mistake – the rejection of the monstrously misshapen Ephialtes. The outcast who is rejected on purely physical grounds from the fascist-like Spartans, proves to be their undoing and by being accepted into the Persian army, demonstrates the consequences of rejecting heterogeneity.
Rating: 10/10


Coming Soon:

Its cinema! It’s Summer! And that means only one thing – comic films!

Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man’s back! Mary-Jane’s back! And this time he’s fighting New Goblin and Sandman. But there’s only one guy that true fans have been waiting to see appear in the Spider-Man franchise. Yes, that’s right…..Topher. The young star debuts as Eddie Brock, as all fans breathe a sigh of relief. Love him! Oh and he turns into…can’t remember. Also on board we have Gwen Stacey played by Bryce Howard (brilliant) and Thomas Haden Church as Sandman.

Fantastic Four 2
Chris Evans is back as Johnny Storm. I think there’s some other people in it but we don’t really need to know about that. Brilliant! Should this film be as fun as its forefather we’re in for a treat!

Transformers
Wow! How cool! I love it – who doesn’t want to see Transformers. We’re all waiting to see Josh on screen as a general. Yes Josh Duhamel!

Timberlake

Friday, 30th March

Timber!

I have finally managed to get this message through. Pardon the delay but when you hear my tale weary traveller, you will understand.
I last told you of my January exploits when I met my arch enemy Finlay Squires. He was trying to get his hands on Topher Ledger to crack the code of celebrity dna. I refused to tell him how I did it and then Hugh Bradman rescued me. Returning home to the shop, I pondered on my choices. There was only one thing I needed to do: dig out the co-ordinates on my map and head for the Antarctic, in whose icy waters Topher was buried so that I might remove him. I headed out on the first plane I could find and made my way across the icy wastes. Remembering the landscape’s peculiarities I realised I was near to the icy grave of Topher. I had brought some equipment with me and was prepared to dive when there was a laugh nearby. I turned to see Finlay Squires glaring.
“ Haha Timberlake,” he sneered.
“ You!”
“ You have led me right to the place. I knew you would come to remove your protégée.” A large bodyguard held me back as Finlay’s men drove a large crane to the water’s edge and proceeded to lower a large hook into the sea. As he checked the scanner on his computer, he gesticulated to the driver and the chain began to pull up. Eventually, a large rectangular ice block appeared and I could make out the frozen body of Topher Ledger inside!
“ You’ll never get away with this.” I cried
“ Actually, young man, I already have!” he laughed as a cloth was placed over my mouth and I fainted.

I awoke in manacles in a strange dungeon filled with scientific equipment. Next to me, the body of Topher was still in a huge icy block, slowly defrosting. I tried to escape but to no avail. In the corner, a sandy coloured mongrel whined and looked at me fearfully. He wagged his tail tentatively.
“ Hello boy!” I smiled.
Finlay descended a set of stairs.
“ Ha ha! I see you’ve awoken” he smiled.
“ What is your plan?” I answered.
“ My dear boy – I have no intention of telling you! But now you are awake, your death will be so much more painful!” As Finlay advanced towards me, he pulled out a knife and bore down on me. As he raised it to strike, I lifted my manacle and the knife struck the chain, conveniently shattering it. I pulled myself free and kicked at Finlay. He struck out at my ankle and drew blood. The pain was intense but I had to run. I charged up the stairs and Finlay closed in on me. At the last moment, the dog ran up behind him and knocked him down, allowing me to escape.
“ Thanks boy” I yelled and we both fled from the dungeon through a door which led into a darkened forest. We hid in a tree trunk while we heard Squires’s men searching. In the morning, we clambered through the trees until we reached a road. I eventually came to a farmhouse and found out that we were in Scotland. The dog had saved my life. He was coming home – no arguments. He looked in quite good condition, Finlay had obviously been looking after him to some extent – he was clearly a prisoner too.
I reached Chaos City later the next day and as I introduced the dog to Heritage Close, he barked. I decided to call him Scrappins. We climbed wearily in through the secret entrance and as I made my way into the darkened shop I stumbled against something. It was a fussball table! This was one more shock than I could take. I passed out like Kim Basinger after the Joker went round her house in that film what was called Batman.

Luckily, on the train home to St Albans, I have had some opportunities to catch up on comics. Here are my reviews

Comics What I Have Been Reading

X23: Target X
Read this comic now! Kyle writes Laura like no other character. He combines the violence of the girl with a sensitive and tough portrayal. Realistic relationships are pushed to the fore but the action when it comes is graphic and disturbing. Brilliant!
Rating: 10/10
I like it!

Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man
David’s run hits a good note with the issue delving into The Vulture’s past. At the same time, we have the ongoing storyline of Nurse Arrow – The Other?
Rating: 9/10

Civil War
At the conclusion of Millar’s universe changing epic, we have to assess the impact Civil War has had. The issues have changed the face of the Marvel narratives, and importantly, have shown how comics can engage in relevant political and moral ideas. As a belated response to 9/11, Guantanamo Bay and the ethical debate over the fallout from the terrorism war, Civil War functions well. It has handled with sophistication, concepts such as civil liberties and their impingement, the divisiveness of government policy and the role which public figures must play in the political arena. Tony Stark, as the face of capitalism, is reduced to the new villain of Marvel, more sinister and powerful than those before. On a narrative scale, Millar has produced good work, starting with the humorous butt of the Marvel superhero jokes, The New Warriors, and showing how the original act and its causes are repeatedly forgotten until the war has become about liberty and freedom. My main criticism is that if Marvel were planning to off Captain America, why not allow Civil War to do this in its final issue, thereby providing us with a satisfyingly blunt ending? It seems a bizarre choice to finish Civil War with an anti-climactic fight and then kill off the main hero in another issue.
Rating:8/10

Front Line
This series has been frequently brill. Taking the Millar idea of the comical New Warrior, Robbie who is removed both literally and generically from his title into the eye of political maelstrom, worked well. We have here the chance to witness a character who has been transplanted from one type of comic to another with fascinating results. The recent Warriors title was nothing short of farcical (deliberately), acting as a parodic take on the superhero team. Suddenly, Robbie is the central character in a political, violent and very adult comic, the artwork also transforming from animated cuteness to painted bloodshed. The breakdown of the male heroic ego has been fantastic to read. The episodes which have depicted Robbie’s transformation into Penance have been the dramatic highlight of the series.
Rating:8/10
If they make a film, cast Harvey Keitel as the man what makes those costumes.


The Big Picture: Ghost Rider

Nicolas Cage and Eva Mendes star in the entertaining big screen outing for Johnny Blaze. The tone of the film is just right – fun. The special effects are excellent – Ghost Rider looks superb. Ideas such as the bike and its gravity defying abilities and the flaming skull and spiky jacket are loyally realised. Perhaps the masterstroke of the director is casting Cage as Ghost Rider. He brings a strange and parodic performance as the titular character. To a lesser extent Cage does what Johnny Depp pulled off in Pirates, he takes a character which could be stereotypical and turns it into something interesting.
The baddies are also well cast – Wes Bentley’s Blackheart is constructed as a Byronic dandy, replete with frock coat and waistcoat – it’s so a good look - Peter Fonda plays Mephisto with class and style. In terms of the Marvel canon, it definitely falls squarely into the same category as Fantastic Four, shameless fun without the allegorical and metaphorical content of X-Men and Hulk. If you are a fan of the comic, you’ll love it.
Rating: 7/10
I liked the baddie who climbed out of the truck.

Timberlake

Wednesday, 14th February

Timberlake Christmas Special

On New Year’s Eve I was invited to spend the day, to my surprise, with my progeny’s band: Sprocketbanner. Jumping at the invitation, I was flown to South America where the band were promoting their latest album. I spent the morning with Tony Biscotti and the guys. My clone introduced me to the band’s manager, Frosty Samuels, a man with a goatee, who was very pleased to meet me. I asked Hugh Bradman if he was enjoying the rock and roll lifestyle but he said he didn’t get the chance often because Frosty was hot on clean living and made the band perform regular blood tests to avoid substances. The evening ended with a thrilling live concert. After the event, I made my weary way home to the hotel. Approaching my room, I heard a noise and crept in further. In the room, I saw my belongings thrown about the place and a tall figure stood bent over my diary which I had brought with me on the trip. As twelve distant bells rang to bid goodbye to the year, he turned around to reveal…Frosty Samuels. “Ah, Timberlake, allow me to introduce myself. My real name is Dr Finlay Squires. How do you do?”
“ Leave my diary alone,” yelled I and grabbed it off of him.
“ No matter, I have read all I need to, it made for interesting reading.” Finlay Squires’s cruel goateed face leered in at me. “Perhaps I should explain who I am. I am a leading geneticist from London, long have I searched for the secret of how to splice human beings, a secret which you seem to have stumbled on. When I recently saw a clip of Sprocketbanner on television, I noticed that Hugh Bradman was exactly this - a spliced wonder combining the dna of two celebrities. It took only a clever disguise and my innate sense of cunning to infiltrate the group and become their manager. It was my idea to ask your unwitting clone to invite you to San Francisco and here today too so that I could gain access to your diary.”
“ The tests that Hugh was telling me about…of course” I stammered, trying to take in the extent of the affair.
Finlay laughed cruelly and then glared at me. “However, young Timberlake, the data I have received from Bradman is incomplete and now your diary shows why. There is a second clone, a Topher Ledger I believe. I need his dna too to complete my understanding of how you managed to splice human life.”
“ Ledger is dead,” I shouted, “Buried at the bottom of the Arctic seas. You will never get him. Mankind was not intended to meddle with nature.”
Squires advanced on me. His tall frame towering. “Listen here Timberlake…”
At that moment, Hugh Bradman, who had been passing on the way to his own room, leapt in and grabbed Squires. The two tussled and Bradman bested the brute, throwing Squires out of the window. With a yell, Squires plummeted down, but even as we ran to the window, the ground below was empty except for broken glass - he had disappeared.
Much shaken, I made my way to the airport and Hugh Bradman saw me onto a plane and then I returned here, to Chaos City Comics, shocked. I now know the name of Finlay Squires and I know that he is my nemesis.

Review of the Year
Best Film: X-Men:The Last Stand - Wolverine returns but get ready for decimation as the Dark Phoenix saga reaches its tragic conclusion!
Also recommended: Superman Returns

Best Monthly Comic: The Ultimates 2 - Millar unsurprisingly is on top form with his story of Captain America’s team being destroyed.
Also recommended: New X-Men, 1602 Fantastick Four, Marvel Team-Up, X Factor

Best Trade: NYX23 - Kyle shows how good his writing is with this wicked volume
Also recommended: Age of Apocalypse, Exiles

Best CD: Justin Timberlake - Futuresex/Lovesounds - What can I say? Stunning.
Also Recommended: Damien Rice - 9

Best Book: Elizabeth Kostova - The Historian - an academic retelling of Dracula

Best TV: Doctor Who - Russell T Davies, David Tennant and Billie Piper make the best programme on television.
Also Recommended: Lost, Desperate Housewives

Timberlake!

Sunday 17th December

A Very Timberlake Christmas!

Hello and festive greetings. Here is my Christmas newsletter. But before I do I must exhort you to go out and buy the new Sprocketbanner album: The Cheese Sessions. Hugh Bradman’s group has noticed that their debut album is selling well. Therefore they have released a live album in time for the holidays! Its good. Last week, Hugh Bradman invited me out to one of their gigs so I went. While I was there I met their producer, Tony Biscotti. He is very cool. He says that he is going to take the boys in new directions on each album. I think I might demand royalties - after all I created Hugh Bradman! He’s only a month old - come back!

Tiny Timberlake
Here, love it Mister Scrooge, it’s that time of year when I go cap in hand round the shop and look at all the brilliant things on offer for present! Cor, if only I had the pennies, here are some of the wonderful things I would be buying:
There are some lovely hardback trades perfect for any comic fan!

Wolverine:Origins and Endings, the first part of ‘Justice’ to name but a few. I would also like Astonishing X-Men, Marvel Zombies and The Walking Dead.
What’s that you cry - but you as a comics fan have got all these! Yes but not in hardback! Those clever boys at Chaos have laid them all out in a nice display!
Perhaps the best is the Tintin official companion - beautiful!

Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man continues at a pace. Peter has to answer his conscience in deciding to return to school. He devises a clever plan and returns to face his fear. Do we think the woman what works in the medical centre is more than meets the eye - yes.

Black Panther continues with Hudlin in typically political rant as Panther takes sides in Civil War. Is he against Tony Stark - yes! Good.

Nextwave is proving successful. With a run that is now into its ninth edition, the story goes back to the redux version of a superhero myth. We see what happens when Captain America got created. Number None is very cool!

Ultimate Power 2 is not half as good as part one. This basically takes on the form of an extended fight, the sort of stuff that Bendis is wasted on. I have faith in this script - as part of the longer tale.

New X-men is perhaps an exemplary issue. This is the sort of stuff which I want to read comics to follow. The silver idea that powers are a curse, although trodden over, is given a new lease of life here and works. We follow Wither as he comes to terms with what he has done and will do. The story is brilliantly told.

Timberlake

Saturday 18th November

Timber!
The next morning I received another postcard. Again, the front image showed four young men with instruments and the title said SPROCKETBANNER. On the back was an address in San Francisco. I immediately hopped on a plane and travelled there. The address led to a small triangular building. In a room on one of the upper floors, I found an unfurnished space with a light bulb and a table and two chairs facing each other. Before too long, a tall figure entered and as he sat down, the light revealed the handsome features of Hugh Bradman my clone. Nature itself could not have designed a more stunning face! I nervously attempted to tell him of the fate of his erstwhile brother yet he sneered. “I have brought you here to tell the world my story” he said. “I am now in a four-piece prog rock band called Sprocketbanner. We are just about to release material.” “What do you want me for?” I cried. “You will promote us to the world through your writing. You owe me this…you unfeeling creator.” He had a point, but I leapt up to run. It was one thing for the last clone to ask me to make him a wife, but another monstrosity altogether for my next clone to ask me to promote ghastly anachronistic music to the entire world - my conscience would deem it insupportable! He raced to the door and held me by the throat, lifting me off my feet. “I’m going to give you the choice I never had.” “What choice is that?” I gasped. He paused. “The choice of…erm which font to write in?” “Okay, I’ll do it!” I complained. So now I have to support my clone by promoting his band! The first album is out today and its called “Give Me The Hypnotism” and the single is coming this week, that’s called “Save A Room in the Lighthouse for me.” I have smuggled a copy back into the cd pile in Chaos City Comics so if you’re in, they might be playing them soon. Go Sprocketbanner!

Comics What I Have Been Reading
Some influx of new titles at present. Some old friends returned and an ending!

Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man
Peter David’s storyline involving Mysterio in high school is involving. By this I don’t mean that its about Mysterio in high school, like Mean Girls, being teased for wearing a big globe. Instead he has taken over Peter’s school and there is three of him. A simple story works well and it has become quite interesting. We get to see hero duties shared out between Spider-Man, Nurse Arrow and Flash Thompson..or do we?
Rating: 9/10
Mysterio is a loser!

1602: Fantastick Four
Oh my god! I love the spelling, put a k! This second sequel to Gaiman’s work is of course nowhere near as cool. However, it is the next best out of the three. The storyline is cool, with flying ships and boulders what fire! The idea is still original: Shakespeare is kidnapped and the FF have to rescue him. I love the difference between modern American character archetypes and Renaissance England. The historical movements of artistic rebirth, and scientific expansion fit well. Peter David, usually such a contemporaneous writer adapts well to period. Special mention must go to the wicked front cover of Otto!
Rating: 9/10
I love it!

The Authority
Yes! Its back! One of my favourite books of all time. My early reading consisted of this title and so I’m pleased to see Morrison back on duties. The artwork is black and quite sober and Morrison typically defies audience demands by not even showing the team in it. As part of World Storm, the narrative still seems to work independently at present and I hope so. Welcome back!
Rating: 6/10
Come on Apollo - get in!

Marvel Team Up
Kirkman’s universe-wide extravaganza concludes. I have really enjoyed this title, more so for his writing as opposed to what it has added to mythology. Hopefully, someone will take on the character of Freedom Ring. The title has added to knowledge of Marvel lore, taking on established and random characters alongside new. Kirkman always has humour. His scripts are always worth reading for the post-modern tongue in cheek attitude he adopts. Roll on Ant-Man.
Rating: 9/10
Lets see more team-ups.


TIMBERLECTURES
This week: A Strip of One’s Own

It is with great anticipation and interest I stand before you today when asked to lecture on the subject of comic strips and spin-offs. What is the nature of a spin-off, how are we to receive such things, and are they really necessary? It seems to me that this answer can only be sought by examining the successful spin-offs in the genre. If we focus on titles such as ‘X-23’, ‘Wolverine’, ‘Gambit’ and ‘Colossus:Bloodlines’, we can see that a good spin-off must have several features. Firstly, it must choose as its focus a character who is interesting enough to us to demand their own storyline. It is all very well crying out for the big characters to be given their own texts but there has to be an element of mystery to their background or we won’t want to see them (e.g. X-23, Wolverine). So, absence of information has to be a prerequisite. Also, there needs to be elements of the main strip in the spin-off, so in X-23 we have glimpses of Wolverine’s dna, in Colossus, Sinister makes an appearance and so on, as no character can exist contextually outside of their initial strip. It is this which makes a spin-off successful, allowing mythology of the main strip to be added to but not contradicted and therefore, spin-offs such as X23 and Wolverine which fill in gaps work ideally.
It is therefore with this model in mind that I turn to perhaps one of my favourite comic book heroes, The Midnighter, the violent, unsentimental, darker half of the Authority’s glamorous couple, Apollo and Midnighter. This character in the past has been so delicately written as to be a perfect example of a gay superhero: he is non-stereotypical, involved in a loving relationship, and his sexuality is enough of an issue in the texts to stop him from becoming a token inclusion, but not so much of an issue that he is defined by it. Brill stuff! Therefore, I am pleased to read Garth Ennis’s continuation of the character, removed from the confines of The Authority but still harking back to it. Any true reader of The Authority was always missing Midnighter when he wasn’t on page so now we have him at the centre of his own story, at the nexus of a narrative encompassing threat, prejudice and violence. Truly it is time for him to have five hundred pounds a year and a strip of his own.
Timberlake

Thursday, 2nd November

Timber!

I am writing this after a few days of madness. I have seen such horrors. You may remember last time that my clone, Topher Ledger had promised to return to his birthplace….
Sure enough a few days after the postcard, one stormy night in St Albans, there was a knock at the door of my lair. I admitted the creature, who looked malevolent and weathered. He said that he would not be happy until I had made him a creature like himself so that he would not be lonely. I was forced to clone two female celebrities to combine them: Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes to make Kate Kidman (a Tom Cruise loving wife no doubt)! At the last minute, as Topher looked down at the beautiful beast, I cried “No!” and switched off the cloning machine. He ran off in a state of fury and I decided I must follow him. I chased him on a series of planes until we ended up in the middle of the Antarctic. There I told him that he was not destined to be in this world. As I looked on in horror, he jumped into the freezing ice packs and sank under the waves to an icy demise.
I returned home, bereft. The next morning, I found a postcard placed under the door of my lair. It showed a picture of four handsome young men dressed in the style of rockers (long hair and leather, guitars). As I looked closer at the image, my heart leapt. One of the men in the picture was clearly my other clone, Hugh Bradman! I turned over the postcard, but it had but one word scrawled in the back: SPROCKETBANNER.

Comics What I Have Been Reading
While I went on board jets, trying to follow my monster, I took some reading material:

Ultimate Power
This is a superb addition to the Ultimate group. The narrative concerns the Fantastic Four as they try to cure Ben and we really see them struggle. Reed becomes interesting (at last) as we see his inner torture at not being able to cure his friend and ally. Some great psychological analysis and plenty of nice set pieces make this an excellent read.
Rating: 9/10
Reed it now!

New X-Men
The Nimrod storyline is slightly confusing. I haven’t really understood it that much but I will say that Kyle and Yost have had the courage to really change the team and provide evolution. The children have gone through metaphorical puberty as they slay the Sentinel alone.
Rating: 6/10

Frontline
Props to this title. It has consistently delivered excellent ideas. The writing is superb and thoughtful. I really like the Speedball story which has become the emotional heart of this comic and the latest twist in Issue 6/7 ramps it up a notch.
Rating: 9/10

Wednesday, 18th October

Timber!

I await each morning’s post anxiously, to see if Topher Ledger, my progeny, has written to me. I have to wait for the post to be delivered, then the tall comic guy throws any postcards for me in the bin. I then have to make my way across the store to check the contents of the bin, similar to Gobo when he was getting mail from Uncle Travelling Matt, without being spotted by the man. My patience finally paid off last week. Here is the next message:
“Cursed, cursed creator! Why did I live? Why, in that instant, did I not extinguish the spark of existence which you had so wantonly bestowed? - Hiya, am still in Geneva and here is my latest adventures. After running from the house with the girl, I ran into the woods. I was still confused with my first experience of communication. Why did people hate some of my films and love others? Why am I cursed to be half Australian and half American? There is only one other being in all the world who can understand my plight…I ran on until I saw a young woman who had wandered into the woods. I signed an autograph for her but she said it was no use to her if I was neither Heath or Grace! I continued on, until it struck me what I must do…I must return to Heritage Close and to my creator to be revenged upon you! I will only be satisfied upon the final stage of my plan…I will return to St Albans to confront my master - Wish you were here, there’s some nice shops, love from Topher Ledger”


Timberlectures

I now offer the first in an occasional series of lectures regarding various titles. These are intended as a general discussion of selected titles.

This week: Ultimate X-Men

Ultimate X-Men resets the Uncanny X-Men in a different universe, with a more contemporary and youthful spin. Some things are the same in these stories, others are not.

Same:
Xavier - goody, runs X-Men
Magneto - baddy, runs brotherhood
Cyclops, IceMan, Marvel Girl, Kitty Pryde are all X-Men

Different:
Wolverine - begins life as evil assassin
Colossus - is gay
Nightcrawler - was Weapon X experiment
Emma Frost - works for government

The twists in the plot are sensible and not jarring. The success of Ultimate X-Men is that it retells familiar myth in an interesting way. It appeals to a market of youth raised on MTV and Marvel movies without patronising.

There is just time this week to tell you about The Ultimates as it races towards its season end. The never less than superb text centres on a big fight this week but always remains thrilling. Action never dominates character and Millar refuses to overcomplicate events (witness for instance the scene where Hank tries to claim innocence). Just when you think things are wrapping up neatly, Loki (series baddie) appears and then paves the way for an awesome twist. Read it.
Rating:9/10

Timberlake

Wednesday, 4th October

Timber!

Having created my two new clones, I was horrified when they began fighting and after releasing them into the wide world, I stumbled through the wreckage of their aftermath, to find that both had disappeared, without trace. I returned back home to the lair and had given up hope of finding my monsters when, a few days later, I received a letter from Topher Ledger, one of the men. I repeat the letter:

“I remember little of my creation. After my master refused to name a winner in our script competition, I fought with my rival and was dismayed to find that I could not beat him, nor him me. I fled to Geneva, where one dark night I stumbled upon a small shed. Seeking warmth, I noticed a chink in the wall, which looked into a small house. In the house sat a young woman, with posters of films over the wall. One of the posters stirred some distant memory within me, though I knew not why: A Knight’s Tale. The face of the man on the poster looked like me. Over the next day or so, I befriended this woman. Unfortunately, when she said that Win A Date With Tad Hamilton was one of her least favourite films, I had to flee…Oh this world is cruel and unjust…I am on the run and will continue to search for kindness…..”


Comics What I Have Been Reading
This week, I must mention the new run on Wolverine. Dealing with the aftermath of registration, the Vendetta storyline sees Wolverine dress up in a mask and cape to destroy….not really. But it does deal with Wolverine’s adventures as he finds Nitro. The storyline neatly combines action with the occasional political slant. The artwork is fine - Ramos’s cartoony style doesn’t gloss Wolverine too much but it does make everything look very nice, verging on Manga but with grit. The last issues have dealt with minority discrimination (superheroes as analogy for race and religion), the politics of blame and the notion of revenge.
Rating: 9/10

We’re all supposed to be following the story but you just know we’re all wondering where we can purchase a t-shirt like what Wolverine has.
Astonishing X-Men rattles onwards like a big train. The story is so punchy and the dialogue rules. Whedon writes with flair and pace and each character has something to say. If you haven’t read this, now is the time to start. Go and get the Gifted trade.
Rating: 9/10
Danger! Danger!

Ultimate Fantastic Four begins a new story line with a new team. The plot verges on incomprehensible at times but is still good. Top praise must however be given to Ferry and Justin Ponsor for the computer art work. It looks great, clean and sophisticated with a marriage of narrative and style.
Rating: 8/10
Ben Grimm gets cut open.

Blade is back. The first of a new issue sees Marvel’s neglected hero back and fighting Dracula (again) and Spider-Man. Actually Spider-Man doesn’t do much. The story is complex (a mite re-reading is required). But what really made this story different was the sepia memories of Blade’s London childhood, where we see his birth and youth. I was quite impressed.
Rating: 8/10
Please bring back Ryan!


Moon Knight is so good. With the plot developing and elaborating, and clear villains in position, Marvel’s return to form of the superhero is starting to cement. The Taskmaster has killed (not really) Spector and the girl what looks like Gwyneth Paltrow and now Moon is out for revenge. I thought he might go and MOON at people with a balaclava on but I was wrong. There is a great sequence here where Finch evokes the great superhero narratives. Marc is seen getting into his cave and dressing as alter-ego, while the lake opens up to reveal the jet taking off. The best issue in recent weeks.
Rating: 9/10

ETA: ESSENTIAL TIMBERLAKE ACCESSORIES
This Week: X-23
Any fears that Marvel’s Next line of comics was going to be dumbed-down teen fodder were expelled by the fantastic comic by Craig Kyle. The story brilliantly reinvents a Wolverine origin, with a genetic offshoot of Logan, bred in a lab. Before X-23 actually appears we see the tormented Sarah Kinney. A Doctor, she has been charged with providing her own dna to create X-23 in union with Wolverine. When X-23 does come along, she is a clever, complex and violent child, bred to be a weapon. The story brilliantly explores the line between human and technological. Is X-23 a weapon or is she a girl? The main character is cold, so Kyle builds up support. Dr Kinney is a superb strong role. We see her torn between a desire to survive in a male world and her instinct to love and nurture her daughter. The early scenes where the two attempt to bond are poignant and the text becomes an analogy for the positioning of the modern woman in relation to the myriad roles of mother, professional and independent wage earner.
Rating: 10/10
Make this a film!

Friday, 15th September

Timber!

War! It all started so well. My celebrity DNA was mixed….creating Hugh Bradman and Topher Ledger. Despite the clones growing fury at being kept inside, I had managed to soothe them by allowing them to write scripts for hybrid movies starring them. I enjoyed reading ‘Troy and Leopold’, a tale of Achilles time travelling. I also read the other effort Win a Date with Tad Hamilton on Brokeback Mountain, although it was quite surprising. When I refused to announce a winner however, the two clones set out to fight to decide the competition. Fearing that they would destroy Chaos City Comics, I ejected them out into the street, where they proceeded to rampage through Heritage Close and into town whoops!

Comics What I have Been Reading

All Star Superman is extremely enjoyable. Capitalising on my Superman movie love, I have decided to go both ways and defect to DC for a couple of titles. This comic, written by Morrison and pictures what are drawn with the hands of Frank Quitely is very good. Lois Lane looks like Kate Bosworth (Orlando should be there!) and the stories are fantastical. The product is minimal in all senses. Quitely’s drawing has never looked so clean and spare, with clear sets and smooth bodies. Similarly, Morrison limits dialogue to a minimum but always makes you want to read on. Highly recommended.
Rating: 8/10
Bring in Kevin/Lex!

Nextwave is through its first story arc and shows no signs of stopping. I would say however, that the parodic pace is slowed down a little. This is still funny but appropriately, we get more time to concentrate on story and characters here, which is a welcome addition.
Rating: 8/10
Them monsters were sweet!

X Factor continues to gel. The story is pitched somewhere between comedy and drama and it works. The artwork is reminiscent of V for Vendetta and lends a serious tone. However, the sharp lines and throwaway dialogue lighten the mood. Multiple looks like an angry Bryan Singer in Issue 8 and this is one of the best comics that follows on from Decimation. Picking up where House of M and Son of M left off, this unites narrative threads you might have felt were left dormant.
Rating: 8/10

Why are you so angry Singer? Because you can’t work with Hugh Jackman?
Ghost Rider has been relaunched ready for Nicolas Cage to take up once he gets off Wicker Man. This series is not as good as the Ennis script but is still solid material. I recommend it after the limited series.
Rating: 6/10
Ghost Rider is the man!

Moon Knight is still wicked. Dark and violent and with a plot which is just the right side of complicated, it is taking its time to build action. However, this is just what I like, a Superman Returns, Hulk kind of thing where action takes second place to emotion. Nice.
Rating: 8/10

This issue has a man that can almost see into the future, a scene where someone has sex, the memory of love, and some great onomatopoeia sounds. So it could be summed up in four words: Future Sex/ Love Sounds. Hey, that sounds like a good title…..

ETA
This week: The Age of Apocalypse

Volume one of this collection deals with the mini series and spin offs which fill in the past for this universe. Marvel have wisely filled this in chronologically, so that the timeline is read in the order intended. It does take a suspension of Marvel lore, Magneto is a goodie and Scott is an enemy. However, it is essential reading for Marvel fans and especially X-Men fans. Its even got Sinister in it!
Rating: 6/10
This is the dawning of the Age of Apocalypse!
T

Sunday, 6th August

Timber!

Timberlake Industries is now blooming - I have a fully functioning laboratory underneath Chaos City Comics and I have developed a gene splicing programme which involves me splicing celebrities. I went on the web and gained skin samples of my favourite celebrities. I then combined their dna. I have made two thus far: a combining of Heath Ledger and Topher Grace, Topher Ledger and my favourite, a combination of Hugh Jackman and brad - Hugh Bradman! The two humans are currently contained in my lab and are starting to become impatient. With accelerated adulthood, they are becoming increasingly difficult to contain.

THE BIG PICTURE: SUPERMAN RETURNS
He is more than a mortal, he is a super being. Blessed with incredible gifts and with the body of a warrior, he came to Earth to show us how to live. Then, he went away and now he has returned after the absence of a few years. His name is Justin Timberlake, and his new album is due soon!
But enough about him, on to Superman Returns. Similarly, this deals with another hero who returns to Earth again. This time he is played by Brandon Routh. The narrative picks up after Superman II and Superman has returned to Earth to pick up his life. He gets his job back, and attempts to rekindle his romance with Lois Lane. But..she has now got engaged and has a son with another! Thus, Bryan Singer’s movie begins.
As with X-Men, Singer proves to be a genius. His focus on character and emotion over spectacle is a winning combination. Treating the subject matter here with the same seriousness that he brought to the mutants (although he does go for a more appropriately playful tone), he weaves a truly beautiful picture. Avoiding the gaudy spectacle of the summer blockbuster, Singer has created